she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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