guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
