Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
