just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
