i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
