I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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