I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
