Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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