season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
