apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
