Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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