Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
