there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
