So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
