you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
