You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
