Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
