you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
