I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
