some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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