I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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