i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
