I just saw a hot homeless man
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
