The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
