if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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