he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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