I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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