I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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