This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
