I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
