My sheets look like a crime scene.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize