I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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