So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
