i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
