tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
