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Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
