that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize