I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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