apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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