Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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