How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
