Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
