good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize