i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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