it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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