So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
