Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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