i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
