I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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