your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
a search helicopter?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
