so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
