Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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