well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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