rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
