if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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