Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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