Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
