Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have fence marks all over my body
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
