everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
