didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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