Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
