remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
