There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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